Honestly, I don’t want to live anymore. I fucked up so bad, and the guy I like and care so much about hates me now and claims he doesn’t but its pretty clear. My best friend killed himself. My friends probably secretly hate me for this..i can’t even tell any more of my friends because I don’t want them to think differently of me when I know it was bad and shouldn’t have happened. My grades are complete shit My dad has no job and might have to live in a different state leaving me alone with my mom for a year until I go to college if I even make it into college. Yeah..I don’t want to be alive.but everyone would hate me even more if I did anything about it

FUCK why didn’t I just kiss you? i am so mad at myself..i want more than anything to hug and kiss you..and i missed my chance. I was stupid and rejected you. fuck whyyyy:( now you arent talking to me. but i was scared i didnt know what would happen the next day if you would talk to me or end it again..im slightly proud of myself for the way i handled it but i also hate myself for it bc now illl never know and maybe never get the chance again at least not for a whileeeee

THIS SHIT IS NOT OKAY:

littlederpmaid:

Absolutely appalled.

A boy in my school killed himself as a result of bullying today.

Think before you speak and spread love like its nutella because you never know who’s gonna be gone tomorrow.

So I stumbled upon this and got soooooo pissed. You don’t know shit. So why are you spreading this. My best friend(billy) did not do it because of bullying so stop spreading shit you clueless idiot. And you idiots re-blogging it and liking this post are just as bad because you are also spreading something that is false and that you know nothing about. This is so disrespectful to me and him and all his friends and family. So, please shut up. He had other issues that he’s told me about himself that I will not share on the internet out of my love and respect for him and those of you who are still saying it was bullying even though you obviously don’t know that should just not say anything about it.

I was talking to my friend about how I want one of those amazing kisses like when you just feel something, and that I want to hug you, But I didn’t know how to make that happen. She said that next time I see him I should just do it. And that would be great If the time I saw you, we didn’t have a misunderstanding that left me completely angry at you and left you not answering my text as to why you are mad at me. And youve been hanging out with two of the prettiest nicest girls..or should i say fake whores who cheat on their boyfriends with their friends boyfriends..yeah..that makes me feel great..youve been talking to me less and hanging out alone with them for the past few days..yet you would kill me if you found out i hung out with two guys..you still have not answered my text from friday night after the mishap..and theres pictures of you on facebook all happy and fine. I hate that. Your always happy and fine when i hate you. But really I just want to hug you…theres nothing more i want than an apology and a hug and a real kiss. but guess what..you are my jb date and i will be taking you to jb saturday. so hah. you have to talk to me by friday. But still..you really should already be talking to me. UGHFUCK SOMEONE HELP ME WHAT DO I DO. 

You worry me way too much. You could at least text me to say you are okay but need some alone time and space for a few days. I get that you’re still going through stuff but don’t you get that I am too? You of all people should understand that the pain doesn’t go away after just two months and I still need you. You were the only person who was really there for me, who really made me feel better. And I guess that offer/demand to call you when I’m upset does not still stand. Your(our) friend told me yesterday that you will never date me or love me. I pretended I knew that and that it sucks but doesn’t devastate me. I wanted to cry. Billy was the only guy who could love me I guess. You told me that your number one priority is to make sure I’m okay even if you are upset or in a bad mood. I guess that isn’t the case anymore? You don’t get what you do to me. I hate it. Now is not the time for you to be avoiding me or ignoring me. Like I said, at least text me to let me know you are okay and it has nothing to do with me. You should be smart enough to know I get worried much more easily about the people I care about now. And I hate how much I care about you. I’m here for you, I have been and I still am. You may not want to but you can talk to me and cry to me. I understand. I’m going through the exact same thing only difference is this happened only two months ago. And you’ve been dealing for over a year. Wish I could say this crap to your dumb beautiful face. 

shh.

We have become so close and I love it. Unfortunately it had to happen because of a tragedy. I can’t believe some of the things that have happened between us recently. The things you say to me, I would’ve never imagined you’d ever be saying them. I hate that I have to hold myself back from saying the big “L” word even though I am not positive if I love you but pretty sure and from telling you to be my boyfriend. I just constantly say these things in my head when I’m with you. And even though I can tell how strong your feeling for me are, I’m always wondering. I used to wonder about them a lot and get upset a lot, but now its different. You actually tell me you care about me and that I’m pretty and that you like having me and randomly say you like me a lot and just a lot of little things like that that make me happier than you could imagine. You even walked to my house at 3 am to see me and give me a gift you got me from your trip to your college. We’ve been more intimate and having more personal conversations and boyfriend girlfriend type conversations. I don’t want you to go to college:(. I just want you to finally admit your feelings. I keep thinking about the way you told me on the night before well..billy..”I told you from the beginning where my head is at and I’m not looking for anything serious”..well things have changed..and it is getting serious you just can’t admit it. You love me I think..I just want to hear it. And I want it to be official, I don’t care too much about facebook official I just want to be able to call you my boyfriend. We basically are boyfriend and girlfriend and you’ve called me your girlfriend to people before but I want you to ask me to be your girlfriend. I like us. And I Like you. A lot.